More thoughts and new song

 Apparently I wasn't fully aware of my family's history as I originally thought. First I find out Father's lyre is a Vestige of Divergence. Then, Brecka's husband told me that my parents were adventurers much like I am now. And Mother's necklace had special healing properties. If Ean knew about the lyre then he probably knows about the necklace too. I need to ask him. 

Speaking of asking Ean, a thought occurred to me the other day. I asked Ean what the Map of Desire actually showed him because based on our experience together I realized it probably didn't show him where the dragon's lair was. He replied...he said it showed him where he was. I was present when he used the Map. I suspected as much but knowing is a relief and provides hope for our future as a family. 

Right now we're on our way to confront Zaavi, the ine who has Grovelthrash. I pray we'll be successful.

Oh ya I wrote a new song. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/11KzwmW2dnVC9wCdRLWizBSbDvJ-qQIyf/view?usp=drivesdk

I thought I lost him again...

He's Jakvar's freakin' apprentice! I just...part of me feels like it's my fault. Why did I leave Bhaile? I should've been there for Ean. If I had stayed, I could've prevented this. I know I was in shock and saw the devastation and just assumed everyone died but...I should've stayed.

I started to lose all hope for Ean when Jakvar showed up after we killed the dragon and I confronted Ean. I mean, he didn't care that I dug up Father's grave, and he chose this life of his. I thought I had lost him again. But then, Ean stayed behind after Jakvar leaves. 

I played our family's lullaby as a parting gift for him on Father's lyre (it was always his favorite). I pleaded with him to leave behind this life he chose. He said he wished he could. He doesn't think he could ever completely get away from Jakvar's clutches. He gave me a sending stone and then told me that Father's lyre is not just any lyre but it's actually Eqiasteo, Lyre of the White Duke, a vestige of divergence (Calo would be happy to study it I'm sure). He also said that his "group" knows what we and our enemy are doing and offered help if we need it. We hugged and then...he left.

I feel guilty, used, overwhelmed, betrayed, defeated, and...a bit hopeful. My brother is still in there and he loves me. I'm sure there's a way to convince him to give up this twisted apprenticeship and be free of Jakvar. If it means killing Jakvar then so be it. I just hope it doesn't involve killing Ean because I have a feeling that if he did die, he wouldn't be willing to come back.   

We're in Ank'Harel again after a hasty escape from the lair to avoid more dragons. I feel a need to visit my family's graves and spend some time alone. 

Oh ya...Ean didn't keep his promise to properly celebrate our reunion. 

Beruinn Lullaby:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Emp7Zexx_niTAz9WGKi6DwBGUKcCJ6dV/view?usp=sharing

"Hally, is that really you?"

 "Hally, is that really you?"

The sweetest thing I've heard in years. 

Our reunion wasn't exactly how I imagined it would go but what did I really expect? I have no clue.  I'm overjoyed we're together again but also saddened at seeing that Ean is not his old self. He's been hurt more than I thought or imagined. He has an artificial arm, limp, and his left eye doesn't work, not to mention the scars. Why did I leave Bhaile? Why did I not try harder to find other survivors? I could have helped him recover. He's not mad at me for leaving, so he says, but still. 

He figured out what happened to Bhaile. The daughter of Thordak the Cinder King emerged to this plane and in the process burned down our village. He's determined to take care of her to prevent another Chroma Conclave disaster. He brought it up just moments after we finally got back together. He couldn't wait until later when we've celebrated our reunion? He's promised me that we'll celebrate properly after she's taken care of. I'll hold him to it. Now we're on our way to Mount Mentiri where signs of a red dragon's presence are manifesting. Ean used the Map of Desire and yup, it's the red dragon we "want" in that mountain. 

Ean and I have been able to catch up more while I drive and him sitting next to me. He's been studying at the Academy in Rexxentrum the last few years. I'm proud of him and what's he accomplished. I've brought him up to speed about what I've been up to and of our group's deeds, including how I found out I wasn't the only survivor (thanks Jakvar for that tid bit). Though to be honest I haven't told him about speaking with Father's corpse yet.  I don't know how he'd feel about it. I still don't know how I feel about it.  I know I'll have to tell him eventually. I hope we all make it through this upcoming confrontation with this dragon. I'm nervous Ean and I will be separated again and I don't know how I'll handle it.

How does a teenager heal a soul?

32 Syndar to 9 Fessuran 

 

It is good to be at sea again. I know we dwarves are not supposed to enjoy the sea, but if you can’t be at the forge focusing your thoughts upon your labors, then the sea offers a close second. There isn’t much out here that offers distractions and so you are able to spend time in quiet meditation and communion. Though it isn’t as easy as it once was.

It is odd knowing that there is something missing from you, stolen from you, and yet nothing seems all that different. Here are at sea making our way across the top of the world, yet there is always at the back of my mind that something is different. By now everyone has gotten used to the idea that I was dead. It almost seems like the thing that our party’s dwarves do. We die only to return to complete the tasks that we have been given.

Each day I run through all the blessings of the All Hammer calling upon him as I search out what it is that was taken. At times I feel as though I am close to discovering it, and then like a mirage of water in the desert it is gone. So, I keep searching and praying.

10 Fessuran

HE spoke to me. The voice of Moradin, the All Hammer, has spoken I am to “Seek the Silver Beard of Rexxentrum”.

I do not know who this Silver Beard is, but it matters not I have been set upon my task and I will not deviate from it. I know that whatever it may be this is HIS will and it shall be done.

15 Fessuran

These last 5 days have been so slow. We are finally off the Greasy Troll and I think that Frances couldn’t agree more. He barely tolerates being penned in the hull of the Troll but now that we are off again. He is ready to go. One day’s ride and we will be in Rexxentrum. I hope that the travels will be swift and incident-free.

16 Fessuran

Redtyn. Moradin sent me here to mentor a young dwarven female named Redtyn. What do I know about being a mentor to someone else let alone to someone so openly hostile and angry? She feels as though she has been discarded like an unwanted bit of trash. Though I can’t really blame her for feeling that way. The Silver beard did seem as though he was at the end of his rope with what to do with her. So now she is part of our ragtag group. I hope that she finds a home here with us that she feels like she has never had before. Though things did start off a bit rocky, she doesn’t like people giving even the smallest bit of perceived offense. She does have quite a swing and she will be able to handle herself well in the coming days. Though I fear that she lacks discipline and one day may put us at risk. Only time will tell.

In other news; Halaianna has desperately been trying to find a way to get in contact with her brother. We know that he is here and that he is somewhere within the confines of the Shimmer Ward. It is so heavily guarded that we had to do everything we could just to get a few of us passed the main gate to get a message to him. While have been offered less forthright means of the entrance we are hesitant to use them as the populous seems to think that there are spies lurking in every shadow. Now we wait until some sort of contact is made.

Dodging Bulettes...

 28 Brussendar, 83X

At times Halainna would look off to the north sometimes with a wistful smile and other times with great sorrow. This has always been something of a mystery to me. Returning to one's homeland should be a joyous thing. Home and family are of the greatest importance whether it be the home and family that we were born to or the ones that we create through our life. 

While waiting in the inn we found out that the village that Halainna grew up in was just a half days travel by camel from here. We were all so excited to be able to see where she grew up. There seemed to be a bit of sadness as the memories came both those bidden as well as unbidden. At first, she seemed hesitant to go, but with our encouragement, Halainne was perswaded to make the short journey home. Home a place to return to as we grow old, and what should always be the safest of places in our heart.

29 Brussendar, 83X 

The excitement of seeing Halainne home was quickly tempered by the cursed desert. It seems hotter than forges of Kraghammer, and how anyone finds these thrice-cursed beasts they call a camel comfortable to ride is beyond me. The hump on their backs is no place to sit let alone having it swaying back and forth in the heat of the day while keeping watch. As we traveled to Halainna's village we were set upon by what the locals refer to as a bulette. They are some sort of landshark that is able to burrow through the sand and dirt. These bulettes must-have figure that we would be easy prey as so few of us were traveling in our party. Two of them burst forth from the sand on either side of us attempting to divide our attention. What they didn't consider was that two of Moradin's faithful were in their midst. As they burst forth, I called upon the powers of the All-hammer to aid us and hold the beast while my companions dealt with the one to the south. In short work, Knac and Ollie dealt with the threat and we were able to continue our journey on to the village of Bhaile.

In the almost 7 years that she has been absent the town has made tremendous progress towards rebuilding. The town center and the surrounding area are beautiful in their determination to make a life here. They are simple folk, the kind that brings you joy just to think upon them. I can see why Halainne has held on so dearly to the memory of this place. It is a good place. After meeting with  some of the local leadership we are left with more questions than answers as the what occurred during that night. The night left our poor Halainne an orphan and ripping her from those that she holds so dear. Arrangements have been made to visit the graves of her father and mother, and I have offered to be their mouthpiece. Through this communion, we hope to help Halainne gain the answers that she no desires and bring some needed closure to the tragedy of that night.

30 Brussendar, 83X

          Communing with those who have moved on can be such an emotionally trying experience, however, I genuinely believe that this was the purpose the Moradin has granted me this blessing. Through it, the most beautiful of bonds as strong as steel can be forged. This is what we witnessed today. There was not a soul that went untouched as Halainne spoke again with her mother and father. To hear of their love for her and their hope for her in this life have also bound our group together. Halainne song was so touching and moving that, I felt Moradins hands guiding mine as I worked the stone to make proper maker for their grave.

Home

We have some time before we reach Rexxentrum where my brother is most likely to be.  I still can't believe that he survived.  Thinking about him and home is bitter sweet and it's hard to completely express how I feel with words. Maybe writing my feelings in a musical way will do the trick. And, who knows, maybe the Archheart will accept it as a token of my gratitude for his help in bringing Calo back to us.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ig-7CpeGvHAtPiKnc3BE4HGmVPhV8_5G/view?usp=sharing

I rode through the dessert on a goat with no name

My eyes slowly open as the light seems so blinding, but it is not bright just... new? How can it be new? Slowly memories start to make their way through the fog. The battle and an opponent that we weren't ready to face. We had him trapped, but no matter what we did we were just as cut off from him as he was from us. Then he was free, and we faced him, sometimes we had the better of him, most often he had us on the run, but we stood firm. Then...

I...

DIED!!!

Frantically I start to looking around. I see the face of my friend, those that I call my family, my clan. Their relieved faces looking back at me as the realization starts to take hold. I was dead. So, it wasn't just a vision I was There. My soul was upon the anvil of Moradin, the All Hammer. My metal was found to be strong and pure enough to be accepted into the halls of Valhalla. There is peace in that knowledge and I know that I am here again I will continue to live worthy of that. But why do I feel off?

There is feeling as though something is missing or is it that things are different after one dies. Ollie, I really need to talk to him. He has been through this, he will understand.

…

What does it mean that part of my soul is gone? It is like he kept a piece for himself a trophy of his murders. I feel so violated. Knowing that he has quite literally a piece of me. Something that was never his to take, is that why murder is so foul and reprehensible? When it is committed it we are not only ending the life of someone early before they can have the opportunity to work out the dross of their lives but we also take from them a portion of themselves that can not be replaced. Can it be replaced?

Is this why I feel disconnected from the Forge of Creation? I used to feel as though I knew His rhythms and could hear the hammer as it fell upon each of us shaping the world and out souls. Remaking us into something better. Now it is there, it still felt, but I must search for it now. It doesn’t come as readily. What will this mean? I don’t not believe that he has forgotten or withdrawn, but there is toll that is taken upon all when an injustice like this has been committed. There is a price that is paid one that causes the scales of justice to not just tip but to swing heavily. When the scales are so out of balance how does one bring them back into balance again.

 

…

We are on our way to Rexxenturm. The wild magic of this place has lost its luster. I was warned that there will be a price to pay for the loss of that portion of my soul. We still don’t know what means, but I am not willing to try things here in this place where a simple cantrip can cause a river to appear. No not here. Physically, I am regaining my strength and I can swing the hammer as well as before, but my connection to Moradin still seems faint. Why? What does it mean?

…

Why is my heart so glad to see the Greasy Troll? What ever the reason I am glad, to see everyone again, even Fume. He always makes me chuckle with his antics. I am looking forward to the next few days. The solitude of the sea will be a great place to meditate on all that has taken place.